The "good old days" were filled with some pretty weird ways to market makeup.
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Scents for Sisters
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In case you were wondering what nuns smell like, the answer is apparently "perfume, toilet powder, and soap." Sounds like an excellent addition to your fragrance collection.
While the burger packaging is more than a little weird, it's also one of the cutest little contouring compacts we've ever seen — though it still begs the question: why?
In the event you're taking a shower with not only your hair but also your makeup done, you could always slip on this massive plastic hood. It was probably as safe as putting a plastic bag over your head. (So, totally not safe.)
The vintage beauty world wasn't satisfied with just one face-and-hair hood; there had to be two. This ad comes complete with a terrifying facial expression, yet the hood only costs a mere $1.19 — what a bargain!
This might be the scariest photo we've ever seen of a couple dancing. No, really!
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Fresh Scent
It's nice when your hair smells great, but do you really want a guy burying his face and hands into your hair every time you wash it? We're gonna go with a hard "no."
Though this photo is labeled "Max Factor beauty micrometer," we're pretty sure it's actually a torture device. On the bright side, the model seems eerily calm and her eyebrows are totally on point for the '30s.
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You Say Tomato
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To be fair, the cutest of all produce is arguably the tomato. Mimicking its adorable color on your nails and lips might be just what you need to add some oomph to your beauty routine.
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Two Brushes
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You know what they (definitely don't) say — two brushes are better than one!
If anything'll get you up in the morning, it's the taste of whiskey on your toothbrush — though we can't imagine that wakeup call will be all that pleasant, per se.
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Magical Hair
Of course, hair loss was as much of a big deal in 1899. And the promises of "hair miracles" were just as alluring. Seriously, that before and after image is intense.
Sure, everyone likes their hair to smell good, especially when they're standing next to someone. But the cartoonish exclamation and maniacal look in her eyes is ever-so-slightly creepy.
And you thought women's beauty products were the only ones getting in on the oh-so-weird action back in the day. This vintage mustache guard not only protected men's delicate facial hair from getting food on it, it also made them look absolutely terrifying.
Sam's enthusiasm for makeup is only rivaled by their love of all things relating to cats. In their spare time, they enjoy watching scary movies, putting avocado on everything, and seeing how many shades of the rainbow they can dye their hair before 30.